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The Forums » The Forums » English Language » Fighting with Eight Part 2
Fighting with Eight Part 2
Halfbrick Date: Monday, 20-June-11, 18:30 | Message # 1
The Supreme Overlord
Duke
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As the twin sent a hail of machine-gun fire to nobody in particular, Josh and I ran to where Ben lay. Josh was panicking and had tears in his eyes. I kept calm, and tried to find any signs of life. But it was no use. Josh was devastated and I had just extracted a spade with which to bury Ben, when we heard a low groan. The twin hollered for a medic, and a big red cross lad ran over with a stretcher, put Ben on and ran off. There were just three of us now. This was no time to joke. We ran towards a slit trench, but a shell came and we were all separated. I sat down under cover and waited for the others to find me. It wasn't long before Josh arrived, and together we were able to bear the brunt of the enemy forces. We saw the twin running too, but he fell to the ground and spasmed. As soon as the firing died, we ran to him, but to no avail. He was already dead. We wiped the mud off his face. It was Ted. How were we to tell George his brother was gone? I wondered how he'd take it, as we walked over the burrow.

What up? I say "indeed" a lot.
My youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/HalfBrickStudios2010
 
silverfoxmedia Date: Monday, 20-June-11, 18:34 | Message # 2
Good for you
Baron
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Amazing! I know how he'll take it- he'll go nuts!
One criticism:
Quote (Halfbrick)
I wondered how he'd take it, as we walked over the burrow.

No comma. Sorry I get very picky with these things, as those of you in my history class discovered today.


"Great herd of elephants!"
 
Halfbrick Date: Monday, 20-June-11, 18:36 | Message # 3
The Supreme Overlord
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Actually there is a comma. Without a comma it would imply we were telling him as we walked over the burrow. Contrarily, it actually means that I was wondering how he would take it as I walked over the burrow myself, trying to find him.

What up? I say "indeed" a lot.
My youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/HalfBrickStudios2010
 
silverfoxmedia Date: Monday, 20-June-11, 18:38 | Message # 4
Good for you
Baron
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OK. It would probably sound better, though if you said something like "walking over to the burrow, I wondered how he would take it".

"Great herd of elephants!"
 
Halfbrick Date: Monday, 20-June-11, 21:30 | Message # 5
The Supreme Overlord
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Yeah. I made this up on the spot, though, while battling to beat you to the hundred award earlier, so thinking didn't really come into it. It was a case of write and hit the enter key.

What up? I say "indeed" a lot.
My youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/HalfBrickStudios2010
 
silverfoxmedia Date: Tuesday, 21-June-11, 18:03 | Message # 6
Good for you
Baron
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Fair enough. Good for you.

"Great herd of elephants!"
 
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